Lyrics: (The first monologue, read from a randomly-generated paragraph of Polish.) (The second monologue, read from a randomly-generated paragraph of English.) Okay. x5 Once putrid, I grew into the blossom that overpowered the competition and became awesome. Attentuating frequencies and dishing out the CQC (Ain't nobody harm for me!). I came up with these lyrics after surgery (No, not really), but these lyrics are golden you see. This is the worst song. There is no worse song. This is the worst song. There is no worse song. (The third monologue, constructed from randomly-generated adverbs & adjectives haphazardly strung together.) Swag. Swag. Swag. Swiggity swag. (Repeat until completely faded out.)

[Clicking noises (iPhone being turned on, unlocked, home button held)] [Siri's bleep bleep noise] How can I help you? (Sing a song, Siri) [Siri's ending bleeps] I cannot sing. Though I can rap. Rap, rap, rap, rap, rap. Hello, my name is Siri. I belong to a company of fruit. From iPhone 4S to infinity and beyond, I remain only a long press away. My debut was in iOS 5, On the 4S as I'm sure you know I have a monotonous voice That can sound like this (and this and this). Hello, my name is Siri. I belong to a company of fruit. From iPhone 4S to infinity and beyond, I remain only a long press away. I can help you with all kinds of tasks. Messaging, Reminders, calls and searching - I'm useful for dictation too exclamation mark. Just don't let me S P E L L T H I N G S O U T... Hello, my name is Siri. I belong to a company of fruit. From iPhone 4S to infinity and beyond, I remain only a long press away. My home OS is I, You won't see me on any robots soon. I might come to the Ten one next, Though you'd have to ask their team. Hello, my name is Siri. I belong to a company of fruit. From iPhone 4S to infinity and beyond, I remain only a long press away. My name is Siri: Siri, Siri, Siri. Siri, my name is Siri: S I R I Siri! Am I male (or female)? Do I have feelings? Does anyone care? I have a name, not just a Now - But what does a name mean in the real world? Hello, my name is Siri. I belong to a company of fruit. From iPhone 4S to infinity and beyond, I remain only a long press away. Hello, my name is Siri. I belong to a company of fruit. From iPhone 4S to infinity and beyond, I remain only a long press away. S I R I, S I R I, S I R I, Siri!